Day 9…  Lightening has just struck my brain…

 May 1^st…I can hardly believe it is May already!  Wow, where has the year gone??? 

         So yesterday morning I decided to make pancakes for the kids for breakfast.  I probably made about 2 dozen or so, 2 1/2” round pancakes.  There were so many left over that I boxed ‘em up and put ‘em in the freezer for the kids to have for breakfast another day.  The kids really enjoyed the pancakes!

         We went to the 9 am service at Church.  David had asked the week before when we were going to go to Church again and get the bread and the wine?  I thought that was sweet of him to ask about it so even though I didn’t necessarily want to go to Church, we went to honor David’s interest in Communion.  This time Anna and David sat with me, Maggie and John went to class right away.  When we went into the sanctuary the kids decided they wanted to sit up in the back of the sanctuary; we were about 3 or 4 rows up and right behind the electronic equipment, computers, and sound guys; it’s actually a great place to sit if you have trouble seeing the screens in the front because they have all the words up on their computers in black and white instead of possibly being obscured by different colors and backgrounds.  However sitting there isn’t a very fun place to sit, if you didn’t bring a jacket to keep you warm, because the air conditioning fans were blaring almost the entire time we were there and I just about froze to death!  Anyway, I had told Anna and David, before we left home, to bring something to draw or write on and the utensils to draw and or write on their materials.  Anna brought a notebook and pencil and David brought some blank paper and a baggie of crayons.  When the singing was over and the announcements were done I told the kids they could use the things they brought.  Unfortunately Anna’s pencil scraping across her paper, as she wrote, sounded like finger nails on a chalkboard; it was really grating on my nerves!  When I told her later she needed to get a different pencil or pen because her current one “sounded like finger nails on a chalkboard”, she asked, “What’s a chalk board?”  lol …I just rolled my eyes and shook my head and gave up trying to explain. 

…Then we move onto David, whom spent what seemed like the entire time rummaging around in his, very noisy, plastic baggie for crayons.  I had to tell him several times to just grab out a few and stop rummaging in his bag, but it didn’t work.  The noises were so grating; on me at least, that we ended up leaving a bit early so that we wouldn’t continue to disrupt anyone and I could get a bit of piece and quite.

On a positive note though, David did get to do communion and Anna and I participated as well.  I spent quite a bit of time praying before I felt right about being about to take the elements.  I had explained to the kids before we went into Church what communion was so they knew why they were doing it and I made sure they understood and prayed before participating.

Epiphany:  During the service I wasn’t really giving it my full attention, though a couple things caught my interest here and there.  I wasn’t really paying attention because I was trying to write out a prayer request (a lengthy one), but I kept getting distracted by all the noise from the kids so it was hard to concentrate.  I ended up just leaving the request in my notebook and decided I’d just send an e-mail when I got a chance some time this week (I haven’t done it yet). As my mind wandered on various different subjects, as I listened to the Service, I think I began to realize something; that I depend way too much on my husband and don’t put enough stock in myself to be able to get things done.  Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for my husband and all he does and I am perfectly capable of getting things done, but I think I wait around too much for him to come along and help me out instead of doing more on my own and just getting things done.  This time he’s been gone I’ve been going constantly!  There is rarely a moment when I’m not doing something constructive, though most of it is practical, not recreational! 

When Jacob is home I spend a lot of my time watching a show and surfing the net, researching things on-line, checking status updates and posting comments on Facebook.  This I do for a while, then go and do chores of various natures, take care of the kids, run errands, and this and that and anything else that needs to be done, then go back to the TV and surfing to relax before I start it all over again.  I did get things done and I never really wore myself out too much just working and working and working with no free time on my hands (like I seem to be doing now).  I feel in a way that maybe I was just being lazy, possibly a bit too selfish?!?!  I probably could have accomplished a lot more than I did each day, but I didn’t want to push too hard and relaxing, I guess, was more important than trying to do everything all at once (like I seem to be doing now too).

Now that Jacob is away I am constantly going, going, going!  From the moment I get up, till hours after the kids are in bed, there is always something going on!!! I am always doing some chore or something for the kids, taking care of the dog or planning what else I need to do.  I could spend a really long time on this subject (if you want to know what else I’ve been doing, read my other blog posts…), but I think you get the idea! 

Last week I felt so weak, like I had totally lost it!  My world was crashing down all around me and I was bombarded with trial, after trial, after trial; in a way I sort of felt like Job, not getting a break from all the challenges and heartache, that kept piling one on top of another and never seemed to end (I do realize what I went through was nothing compared to Job, but in a very small way, that’s what it felt like to me).  I mean I used to think that I was a strong person, but after the week of Hell that I went through, I felt like I had really failed… until through what happened in the first week while Jacob was gone, plus a lot of prayer (on my part and others), a couple of very inspiring songs and various other events helped jolt my focus in the RIGHT direction and help me realize that I AM a strong person, I CAN do this without my husband (even though I wish he were here and I still need him), and I WILL look to God for strength and everything else I need until my husband gets home!!!

***A song that really spoke to me about everything I was going through and helped me focus, is called “Stronger” by Mandisa.  Check it out; it might help you understand a bit more how I felt the first 8 days!

Now I feel lighter, like I don’t have the weight of ‘my world’ on my shoulders anymore, though there is still the tiniest ach holding on, but I think that’s just me missing my Honey.  However I’m always so busy it’s hard to dwell on it, so that’s where it sits and when I do have time to think about it, that ache is there to remind me I wish Jacob were here!!!

…After Church I drove home to check my e-mail real quick.  I had posted a few things on Craiglist the previous night and had a couple people e-mail they were interested in two of my items.  Two in particular were interested in Anna’s old daybed.  I let the first interested party know that I was available after Noon and they could come any time and the second interested party know that if I didn’t hear back from the first interested party they could come after 3.  As I sat and worked out my business, Anna and David both came in at different times complaining about the other doing something mean to the other, so when I had wrapped up what I was doing, before I hopped back in the van, to head to the LD Buffet for some lunch, I informed them that neither of them were going to get Chinese food because of their negative actions; boy did they not like that!  (I think for once I found one punishment that actually made an impression on them!)

So at LD we waited for Cindy to arrive; she was joining us for lunch and to hang out afterward.  As she pulled up and got out of her Jeep, I suggested that she could just leave Chance in the car and Anna could watch him since she and David were in trouble and weren’t going coming in, they would be staying in the van with Maggie.  She agreed and we (and John) headed in.  After we got our food, I paid and headed back out to the van before Cindy because I wanted to check on the kids.  As I walked out the van I noticed that Anna was holding Chance and asked her what she was doing!  As I got closer I could hear him crying, she said when Cindy left he’d started crying and wouldn’t stop so she got him out to try and calm him.  I took the little man from her and tried to calm him, he sniffled a little bit and there was a tear running down his face, but he seemed to not be as upset.  Cindy came out shortly after and I told her what Anna had said, then I strapped Chance back in his seat and we headed to my house.

Back home I dished up some food for John and Maggie, then helped Anna and David put together their lunch; and in between preparing meals I checked my e-mail to find that the lady, interested in the bed, has responded back and was sending her husband to pick up the bed and he’d be at my house within the next 15 to 20 min (he didn’t actually show for about 45 minutes).  The good news though, was that he bought the bed!  And he had the cutest little girl with him that reminded me of my niece Jade because she had the most beautiful big blue eyes and a really sweet smile!  :O)  Anyway, I helped the guy take the bed out to kids truck and was able to come in and eat some more of my lunch, however I ended up having to clean Maggie up (from her lunch) and put her down for a nap before I could finish.  By the time I got back to my lunch it was cold, but I ate it anyway since I hadn’t eaten breakfast and it was after 1.

So Cindy and I talked a bit and I told her my ideas for the kids bedrooms.  You see I had listed the boys dressers on Craigslist.  I had given them Anna’s dresser to share and wanted to get Anna a new dresser to match her new bed and desk, but was having trouble finding what I wanted.  Just recently I had injured my wrist moving the hutch for Anna’s desk and really jarred my shoulder when I tripped going up the stairs.  I slammed it into the wall trying to move a mattress up to Maggie’s room.  I was getting really wary about moving any more furniture without Jacob to help me.  So after describing my ideas so that I wouldn’t have to get Anna a new dresser just yet (I’ll wait until Jacob comes back home); we decided that we would just give the boys back their dressers and Anna hers.  However that meant moving Anna’s dresser back in her room and hauling the boys dressers back up the 4, 5, and 5 stairs winding up to the upstairs.  Well, WE DID IT!  We also almost completely rearranged Anna’s entire bedroom; we moved everything, but the desk/hutch.  It was very tiring and the only injury sustained, this time, was to my bad shoulder when I went to try and plug the vacuum chord in, in the bathroom and moved it the wrong way and it made a really nasty popping sound that hurt like the Dickens for a few moments.  Yikes, I think I may need to get it looked at because it’s getting worse (an old dislocation injury) and it’s been aching off and on and I’m afraid it’s going to try and dislocate on me again soon if I’m not very, very careful!  :O(

Cindy left shortly after we were finished getting everything arranged in the bedrooms (around 4:30ish).  The only thing left to do, for now, is for Anna to get all her stuff put away and try and purge a couple bins worth of stuff because not everything that was in her room is going to fit in her room (it didn’t fit before and I’m tired of the clutter)!!!

I’m very thankful to Cindy for helping me out!!!  Getting the kids rooms back in order has really helped to take some of the stress off of me (having a clean house makes me happy and thus brings a bit of peace to the home since I’m not stressed about any messes).  My living room is mostly clean now; only clutter left in there is Maggie’s toddler bed (still not sure what to do with it?).  Then there are a few things in the dinning room that I still need to list on Craigslist and a few other things that just need to be put away.

Later in the evening I was trying to get the dog outside for some reason, I can’t remember why exactly, but I was outside trying to get her to come out, but she didn’t want to budge.  So I came in and picked her up to carry her outside and she piddled a 2 foot trail on the way out of the house; I was pissed!  I had to wash the carpet and decided that since I was at it, I’d go ahead and wash the most used half the carpet in the TV room area.  While I began to work on the carpet, some other fiasco arose with the kids (I can’t remember what it was at this time).  I had to get Anna to take Maggie to keep her out of the room.

Meanwhile, I had the boys go out and clean up the doggie messes outside.  On their way out they left the garage doors open and the dog came barreling in.  I started yelling and grabbed her by the collar and as I’m dragging her out through the garage door, she leaves another huge trail of pee behind her.  Boy was I @#$*&^%^@#$!!!  Whatever that means…  Anyway, I got it all cleaned up, the carpet and the kitchen floor.

I had decided before this whole mess that I wanted to give David a hair cut, so when I was finished cleaning up the dog messes I was finally able to get to him and I had Anna run him a bath while I cleaned up the hair mess afterward.

I can’t remember what time it was by then.  I think somewhere in there the kids had dinner to???

It was getting too late to do out nightly reading so I just Skyped Jacob to let the kids say goodnight.

I can’t remember what we did in the evening…I’ll have to update my blog later with anything else I can remember.  There’s just lots and lots to write about and so little time to do it in, I’m falling behind…

P.S.  For those of you that didn’t get my reference above (just after day 9), it’s a quote from “Hook”  :O)

***The newly revised version 2.0