Day 11... Apples, apples, everywhere...

 

Day 11…  You know, just when you think that things are getting better some ones gotta go and upset the apple cart! 

I woke this morning at 4:45.  For some reason I just couldn’t sleep so I decided that I would just get up because I didn’t want to lye there.  After getting ready for the day I did a few chores, worked on my Blog and checked the various forms of communication that keep me updated on the world! 

My morning started off pretty well!  I got the kids to help me clean house a bit, once they were up.  Maggie seemed better after her terrible experience the following evening (horrible reaction to dairy).  I put all my stuff together for running all my errands for the morning and got the kids loaded in the van 5 minutes before their first bell rung. 

After dropping the older 2 off at school I called my friend Athena to see if she was home so I could drop something off on my way past her street, but she didn’t answer so I continued on.  About a third of the way towards Target (I had planned to stop there first before I needed to meet my friend Cindy at the ‘Kid to Kid ‘), however I realized that I was missing the most important paper that I needed for my trip, so I had to double back.  On my way back home Athena called me back and I asked if I could stop by.  I gave her, her “Thank you!” card and she gave me back my bacon bits and a book that she had borrow before her daughter Paige was born.  We chatted for a bit, then I headed home to get the items that I had forgotten.

When I was done it was really too late to head to Target, so I just went to ‘Kid to Kid’ instead.  I arrived about ten minutes before 10 (when Cindy and I had planned to meet), unloaded Maggie into her stroller and grabbed the bin of stuff that I was taking in to get some store credit and headed into the store, John following along side.  Since we were only ten minutes early I hoped they wouldn’t stick to their 10 o’clock time for accepting items we wanted to sell and as we walked in there was already another lady there with a huge bag of stuff that they were going through so I got in line.

Cindy arrived a little after 10.  By then they had accepted my bin and I was already looking around the store.  I left John and Maggie in the little play cube that they have for the kids so the parents can shop and not have to have all the little ones tagging along.  I checked out the shoes and found 2 pair for Maggie.  One for now (a more girly pair than what she currently has) and another pair for later (in a size 7).  I also found a couple pair of dress-up gloves for Maggie and a few other things.

When they finally finished with my bin I had been ready to go for some time, we’d just been milling around waiting for them to finish up.  I ended up getting about $14.90 in store credit, which wasn’t what I had been hoping for, but since they hadn’t taken the dress that I had overheard them say they would only give me a dollar for (it was a really nice dress) I was happy with the price; until I left and realized that they had taken two jackets that I had in the bin that were practically brand new.  Then I was a bit ticked that I had accepted the price because just one of those jackets was worth at least $10 or more, maybe even $15 to $20 bucks and there were two of them!!!  SMH  …Next time I’m going to have to be a bit more careful and ask for an itemized list of what they are giving me for each item so I know I’m getting a fair amount for my items!

From KtK we went to Sally’s Beauty Salon, then Michael’s.  When we weren’t quite through with Michael’s I realized Maggie needed to be changed so we hurried through (not finding what we were looking for) and headed back to our vehicles because neither Cindy, nor I had brought our diaper bags with us. 

Back at the van I discovered that Maggie’s bum was still super raw.  Fortunately Cindy had some ointment for me to use and I was able to lube Mag up again to relieve the soreness. 

Cindy and I parted ways after that.  Chance had fallen asleep and I still needed to go to the Christian store to pick up some CD’s I’d been waiting to go on sale today! 

At the Family Christian Store, I stocked up on a bunch of new CD’s that I researched over the last week since I’d gotten their monthly ad booklet.  I got several for only $5 and a couple others for 25% off.  Maggie kept freaking out because of her bum and the fact that I had her strapped up to her child safety harness.  I tried to wrap things up in their as quickly as I could, but it wasn’t fast enough for her and we finally left.

From there I decided that I wanted to make a quick trip to Target to get this DVD, that I’d bought a little over a week ago, price adjusted.  I had originally bought it for $16.99 when if first came out then this week it went on sale for $10.  I used the money they gave me back to buy a bunch of my favorite chocolate that was on sale!!! :O)  …I did not however find the Blu Ray + DVD combo pack for the movie “Green Hornet” that I thought they carried.  Turns out I had seen the advertisement in a different stores ad.

I remembered that I’d seen the ad in the Best Buy advertisement, so from Target to we headed there.  I figured it would be a quick in an out, but when I tried to find the BluRay + DVD combo pack I couldn’t find it anywhere (and it has just come out today).  I checked the main display and even went back to the regular movie section, but couldn’t find it, so I went and asked the guy at the front door.  So after waiting probably a good 30+ minutes talking to various different sales associates and finally the manager, they found out that there had been a misprint in the ad and they didn’t actually have the BluRay + DVD combo pack, so I ended up buying the 3 pack instead.  I didn’t want to the 3D version, but it was the only way to get the BluRay and DVD together without paying for them separately.

The whole time we were at Best Buy, Maggie had been sleeping on me.  It was really hard to check out and I felt like everyone was looking at me impatiently since it was taking me a bit longer to go through the motions.  I finally paid and we went out the to van.

Ever since we had left the Family Christian Store I had been telling John that I would get him some food from McDonald’s because he had been so good, but kept putting it off to head to another store.  We didn’t end up getting lunch until about 12:30.  We were home by 12:45 and when I brought a sleeping Maggie in and tried to lay her on the couch, she woke very upset and I was only able to calm her by giving her, her Happy Meal (chicken nuggets and fries).  She was much happier munching on her food!

Once Maggie was settled I went and unloaded the van and then came in and dished myself up some of the yummy soup left over from dinner.  I had just heated it up and literally sat down to take my first bite (at about 1:30, because I’d been doing various other things before I was able to take a break) when my Skype phone rang.  I sat my soup own and answered the call.  Jacob and I chatted for a bit, but I asked to get off and call him back since I’d just sat down to relax and eat for the first time today.  We hung up and I chowed down; I was so hungry!

While eating I tried to watch a movie that I had rented for free from a Redbox the day before.  It took me from 1:30 till 3:30 to watch it; I don’t think it was actually that long!  I was really having a hard time with Maggie, she just wanted my undivided attention and wouldn’t let me get anything accomplished without causing lots of trouble along the way; she wouldn’t even let me watch the show in piece.  It was the first show I’d sat down to watch in over a week!

Anyway, she continued to be a challenge for most of the rest of the evening.  She just wouldn’t let any of us do anything without constantly being all over us or getting into mischief.  I finally had to ask Anna to take her because I couldn’t get a thing done!  Needless to say this whole afternoon, evening was very frustrating and I just didn’t have the patience to deal with little Maggie who just wouldn’t stop whining and pestering me, so I couldn’t get a single thing done!

She finally calmed down around 8ish.  Anna had taken her in her room and was reading with Maggie lying next to her in bed.  I went and got her at 8:30 and put her to bed, she didn’t fit me, she even said, “Good night!”.  That’s a new one!  :O)

So now that the kids were in bed I was finally able to completely focus on one of the things on my list to do and that was bake some banana muffins for the kids.  (I had contemplated waiting, but I can’t do it tomorrow, I have plans with Cindy to be out most of the day.  And I didn’t want to do it later, so I got to work on making the muffins (I had actually started earlier in the evening, but really got into full swing with the kids in bed).  I finished over 8 dozen muffins at about 10:45 pm.  Meanwhile between tins I’ve been working on updating my Blog.  I think I’ve finally done it!

Well, I need to go…  It’s 11:43 and I have a busy day ahead of me.  I have plans with Cindy to go to the Park Meadows Mall and have lunch and go do some window-shopping! 

It’s off to bed for me!  Good night!!!  :O)

Day 10...

 

        Monday, May 2^nd 2011.  Wow, the days are going to too quickly and I’m too busy to be able to get caught up in this Blog or I’m afraid I’d end up not going to bed one night…

         So Monday, I…can’t seem to remember what I did.  I may have to work backwards…

         First thing in the morning we woke to a bit of snow.  I’m not sure why it’s still snowing?  The weather just doesn’t seem to know how to make up it’s mind here!!! 

         After the kids went to school, John, Maggie and I went to Walmart to get a few things.  My list wasn’t very long: a couple Birthday cards for friends (with Birthdays this week), some socks for me, bananas, baby carrots and a few other various items…  John, Maggie, and I also checked out the Easter stuff at 75% off.  We got a couple party favors and another Easter Sing-a-ma-jig (only $2.50).  We checked out the toys in the back and stopped by the shoes.  At the cards we all had fun looking at all the large selection.  I was looking for a particular theme for one of my friends, but never found what I was looking for.  However, I did find a card for my sister, which I had to get, though her Birthday isn’t until August.  I also found another really cool card that had Jack Bauer on it, I was tempted to get it for Doug (my Moms husband), but didn’t and I’m kicking myself now because when I got home and check the calendar to see who else’s Birthdays there are this month I found out that Doug’s Birthday is next week, so I’m gonna go back and get it! 

         The rest of the day is a blur.  I think somewhere in there I stopped at my friend Athena’s house and dropped off some super yummy bacon bits for a soup she was planning to make for us for dinner some night this week.  I also think that we went to the Dollar Tree (a store, which is rapidly becoming my favorite place to shop)?!?!

         In the evening, since the lawn had dried from our over night dusting of snow, I was able to rake part of the front yard, mow it, and do a bit of edging with the weed whacker.  It was so dusty though that I had to take my contacts out because my eyes were so irritated!  We really need to hire someone to get our lawn back to a lawn; I’m not sure how to do it!!!

         When I finished cleaning up the front yard (mostly, still need to rake the rest of the lawn) I came in and Maggie was crying her lungs out.  I was like, “What’s going on?  What’s wrong with Maggie?”  When I picked her up I figured it out; she was all ridged and I could smell that she needed to be changed.  So I took her over to change her and discovered she’d had a nasty blow out and he rear was lobster red.  I cleaned her up as much as I could (she didn’t like that one bit because it hurt so much), so I took her upstairs and ran a luke warm bath so I could clean her off the rest of the way.  I tried to get her to sit, but her rear was just hurting too much and she was bawling so much that she ended up throwing up a little bit.  I didn’t think much of it, just thought maybe she just got herself worked up too much, then all of a sudden she spewed her entire dinner.  Fortunately she was in the tub and the water was running, so I shut it off and cleaned up the mess when she was done.  I had to rinse the tub before I ran her a shallow bath, but she seemed to be a bit better when she had eliminated the contense of her stomach. I still couldn’t get her to sit in the bath, so I just soaped her up and rinsed her off while she was standing.  She was shaking like a leaf when I pulled her out of the tub a few minutes later (she had been for most of the bath).  Once she was dried off I medicated her rear and put her in a, loose, two piece pj.   Then brought her downstairs to my chair and cuddled her for a while.  At first I couldn’t figure out why she had thrown up, then it dawned on me that she had eaten the dairy based soup for dinner and she has been really showing signs of being Lactose intolerant for awhile now.  She hasn’t had any dairy for over a day, so this sudden bombardment of the stuff had apparently send her insides reeling!  At least that’s the only thing I can figure that did it because we hadn’t eaten anything out of the ordinary other than the dairy based soup.  So, for the next week (and I should have been doing this earlier) I have to keep Maggie completely off of dairy and see if her symptoms clear up.  Poor little girl; she really loves the stuff and now she probably can’t have it anymore!  :O(

         …Well, I’m drawing a blank for the rest of the day.  I know it was a lot busier than what I’ve written, but I’ll have to fill it in later when my memory comes back…  Until then…

Day 9…  Lightening has just struck my brain…

 May 1^st…I can hardly believe it is May already!  Wow, where has the year gone??? 

         So yesterday morning I decided to make pancakes for the kids for breakfast.  I probably made about 2 dozen or so, 2 1/2” round pancakes.  There were so many left over that I boxed ‘em up and put ‘em in the freezer for the kids to have for breakfast another day.  The kids really enjoyed the pancakes!

         We went to the 9 am service at Church.  David had asked the week before when we were going to go to Church again and get the bread and the wine?  I thought that was sweet of him to ask about it so even though I didn’t necessarily want to go to Church, we went to honor David’s interest in Communion.  This time Anna and David sat with me, Maggie and John went to class right away.  When we went into the sanctuary the kids decided they wanted to sit up in the back of the sanctuary; we were about 3 or 4 rows up and right behind the electronic equipment, computers, and sound guys; it’s actually a great place to sit if you have trouble seeing the screens in the front because they have all the words up on their computers in black and white instead of possibly being obscured by different colors and backgrounds.  However sitting there isn’t a very fun place to sit, if you didn’t bring a jacket to keep you warm, because the air conditioning fans were blaring almost the entire time we were there and I just about froze to death!  Anyway, I had told Anna and David, before we left home, to bring something to draw or write on and the utensils to draw and or write on their materials.  Anna brought a notebook and pencil and David brought some blank paper and a baggie of crayons.  When the singing was over and the announcements were done I told the kids they could use the things they brought.  Unfortunately Anna’s pencil scraping across her paper, as she wrote, sounded like finger nails on a chalkboard; it was really grating on my nerves!  When I told her later she needed to get a different pencil or pen because her current one “sounded like finger nails on a chalkboard”, she asked, “What’s a chalk board?”  lol …I just rolled my eyes and shook my head and gave up trying to explain. 

…Then we move onto David, whom spent what seemed like the entire time rummaging around in his, very noisy, plastic baggie for crayons.  I had to tell him several times to just grab out a few and stop rummaging in his bag, but it didn’t work.  The noises were so grating; on me at least, that we ended up leaving a bit early so that we wouldn’t continue to disrupt anyone and I could get a bit of piece and quite.

On a positive note though, David did get to do communion and Anna and I participated as well.  I spent quite a bit of time praying before I felt right about being about to take the elements.  I had explained to the kids before we went into Church what communion was so they knew why they were doing it and I made sure they understood and prayed before participating.

Epiphany:  During the service I wasn’t really giving it my full attention, though a couple things caught my interest here and there.  I wasn’t really paying attention because I was trying to write out a prayer request (a lengthy one), but I kept getting distracted by all the noise from the kids so it was hard to concentrate.  I ended up just leaving the request in my notebook and decided I’d just send an e-mail when I got a chance some time this week (I haven’t done it yet). As my mind wandered on various different subjects, as I listened to the Service, I think I began to realize something; that I depend way too much on my husband and don’t put enough stock in myself to be able to get things done.  Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for my husband and all he does and I am perfectly capable of getting things done, but I think I wait around too much for him to come along and help me out instead of doing more on my own and just getting things done.  This time he’s been gone I’ve been going constantly!  There is rarely a moment when I’m not doing something constructive, though most of it is practical, not recreational! 

When Jacob is home I spend a lot of my time watching a show and surfing the net, researching things on-line, checking status updates and posting comments on Facebook.  This I do for a while, then go and do chores of various natures, take care of the kids, run errands, and this and that and anything else that needs to be done, then go back to the TV and surfing to relax before I start it all over again.  I did get things done and I never really wore myself out too much just working and working and working with no free time on my hands (like I seem to be doing now).  I feel in a way that maybe I was just being lazy, possibly a bit too selfish?!?!  I probably could have accomplished a lot more than I did each day, but I didn’t want to push too hard and relaxing, I guess, was more important than trying to do everything all at once (like I seem to be doing now too).

Now that Jacob is away I am constantly going, going, going!  From the moment I get up, till hours after the kids are in bed, there is always something going on!!! I am always doing some chore or something for the kids, taking care of the dog or planning what else I need to do.  I could spend a really long time on this subject (if you want to know what else I’ve been doing, read my other blog posts…), but I think you get the idea! 

Last week I felt so weak, like I had totally lost it!  My world was crashing down all around me and I was bombarded with trial, after trial, after trial; in a way I sort of felt like Job, not getting a break from all the challenges and heartache, that kept piling one on top of another and never seemed to end (I do realize what I went through was nothing compared to Job, but in a very small way, that’s what it felt like to me).  I mean I used to think that I was a strong person, but after the week of Hell that I went through, I felt like I had really failed… until through what happened in the first week while Jacob was gone, plus a lot of prayer (on my part and others), a couple of very inspiring songs and various other events helped jolt my focus in the RIGHT direction and help me realize that I AM a strong person, I CAN do this without my husband (even though I wish he were here and I still need him), and I WILL look to God for strength and everything else I need until my husband gets home!!!

***A song that really spoke to me about everything I was going through and helped me focus, is called “Stronger” by Mandisa.  Check it out; it might help you understand a bit more how I felt the first 8 days!

Now I feel lighter, like I don’t have the weight of ‘my world’ on my shoulders anymore, though there is still the tiniest ach holding on, but I think that’s just me missing my Honey.  However I’m always so busy it’s hard to dwell on it, so that’s where it sits and when I do have time to think about it, that ache is there to remind me I wish Jacob were here!!!

…After Church I drove home to check my e-mail real quick.  I had posted a few things on Craiglist the previous night and had a couple people e-mail they were interested in two of my items.  Two in particular were interested in Anna’s old daybed.  I let the first interested party know that I was available after Noon and they could come any time and the second interested party know that if I didn’t hear back from the first interested party they could come after 3.  As I sat and worked out my business, Anna and David both came in at different times complaining about the other doing something mean to the other, so when I had wrapped up what I was doing, before I hopped back in the van, to head to the LD Buffet for some lunch, I informed them that neither of them were going to get Chinese food because of their negative actions; boy did they not like that!  (I think for once I found one punishment that actually made an impression on them!)

So at LD we waited for Cindy to arrive; she was joining us for lunch and to hang out afterward.  As she pulled up and got out of her Jeep, I suggested that she could just leave Chance in the car and Anna could watch him since she and David were in trouble and weren’t going coming in, they would be staying in the van with Maggie.  She agreed and we (and John) headed in.  After we got our food, I paid and headed back out to the van before Cindy because I wanted to check on the kids.  As I walked out the van I noticed that Anna was holding Chance and asked her what she was doing!  As I got closer I could hear him crying, she said when Cindy left he’d started crying and wouldn’t stop so she got him out to try and calm him.  I took the little man from her and tried to calm him, he sniffled a little bit and there was a tear running down his face, but he seemed to not be as upset.  Cindy came out shortly after and I told her what Anna had said, then I strapped Chance back in his seat and we headed to my house.

Back home I dished up some food for John and Maggie, then helped Anna and David put together their lunch; and in between preparing meals I checked my e-mail to find that the lady, interested in the bed, has responded back and was sending her husband to pick up the bed and he’d be at my house within the next 15 to 20 min (he didn’t actually show for about 45 minutes).  The good news though, was that he bought the bed!  And he had the cutest little girl with him that reminded me of my niece Jade because she had the most beautiful big blue eyes and a really sweet smile!  :O)  Anyway, I helped the guy take the bed out to kids truck and was able to come in and eat some more of my lunch, however I ended up having to clean Maggie up (from her lunch) and put her down for a nap before I could finish.  By the time I got back to my lunch it was cold, but I ate it anyway since I hadn’t eaten breakfast and it was after 1.

So Cindy and I talked a bit and I told her my ideas for the kids bedrooms.  You see I had listed the boys dressers on Craigslist.  I had given them Anna’s dresser to share and wanted to get Anna a new dresser to match her new bed and desk, but was having trouble finding what I wanted.  Just recently I had injured my wrist moving the hutch for Anna’s desk and really jarred my shoulder when I tripped going up the stairs.  I slammed it into the wall trying to move a mattress up to Maggie’s room.  I was getting really wary about moving any more furniture without Jacob to help me.  So after describing my ideas so that I wouldn’t have to get Anna a new dresser just yet (I’ll wait until Jacob comes back home); we decided that we would just give the boys back their dressers and Anna hers.  However that meant moving Anna’s dresser back in her room and hauling the boys dressers back up the 4, 5, and 5 stairs winding up to the upstairs.  Well, WE DID IT!  We also almost completely rearranged Anna’s entire bedroom; we moved everything, but the desk/hutch.  It was very tiring and the only injury sustained, this time, was to my bad shoulder when I went to try and plug the vacuum chord in, in the bathroom and moved it the wrong way and it made a really nasty popping sound that hurt like the Dickens for a few moments.  Yikes, I think I may need to get it looked at because it’s getting worse (an old dislocation injury) and it’s been aching off and on and I’m afraid it’s going to try and dislocate on me again soon if I’m not very, very careful!  :O(

Cindy left shortly after we were finished getting everything arranged in the bedrooms (around 4:30ish).  The only thing left to do, for now, is for Anna to get all her stuff put away and try and purge a couple bins worth of stuff because not everything that was in her room is going to fit in her room (it didn’t fit before and I’m tired of the clutter)!!!

I’m very thankful to Cindy for helping me out!!!  Getting the kids rooms back in order has really helped to take some of the stress off of me (having a clean house makes me happy and thus brings a bit of peace to the home since I’m not stressed about any messes).  My living room is mostly clean now; only clutter left in there is Maggie’s toddler bed (still not sure what to do with it?).  Then there are a few things in the dinning room that I still need to list on Craigslist and a few other things that just need to be put away.

Later in the evening I was trying to get the dog outside for some reason, I can’t remember why exactly, but I was outside trying to get her to come out, but she didn’t want to budge.  So I came in and picked her up to carry her outside and she piddled a 2 foot trail on the way out of the house; I was pissed!  I had to wash the carpet and decided that since I was at it, I’d go ahead and wash the most used half the carpet in the TV room area.  While I began to work on the carpet, some other fiasco arose with the kids (I can’t remember what it was at this time).  I had to get Anna to take Maggie to keep her out of the room.

Meanwhile, I had the boys go out and clean up the doggie messes outside.  On their way out they left the garage doors open and the dog came barreling in.  I started yelling and grabbed her by the collar and as I’m dragging her out through the garage door, she leaves another huge trail of pee behind her.  Boy was I @#$*&^%^@#$!!!  Whatever that means…  Anyway, I got it all cleaned up, the carpet and the kitchen floor.

I had decided before this whole mess that I wanted to give David a hair cut, so when I was finished cleaning up the dog messes I was finally able to get to him and I had Anna run him a bath while I cleaned up the hair mess afterward.

I can’t remember what time it was by then.  I think somewhere in there the kids had dinner to???

It was getting too late to do out nightly reading so I just Skyped Jacob to let the kids say goodnight.

I can’t remember what we did in the evening…I’ll have to update my blog later with anything else I can remember.  There’s just lots and lots to write about and so little time to do it in, I’m falling behind…

P.S.  For those of you that didn’t get my reference above (just after day 9), it’s a quote from “Hook”  :O)

***The newly revised version 2.0

Day 8...

Day 8…  The Beginning of Week Two

2:25 am, I can’t sleep after being up for the last 2 hours with Maggie!    She was up at 12:30 and even though I let her come and sleep with me in my bed, because I didn’t feel like fighting with her, she wasn’t satisfied…  By 2 I decided that I’d had enough and went down in the basement and hauled all of the parts to Maggie’s crib up to her room.  By 2:20 I had it put together; crib, bedding, everything but the crib skirt (didn’t want to hassle with it).  Maggie was so excited as I lifted her and put her back in her bed (crib), she yelled, “YAY!” and started jumping around all excited! I left her in the crib then moved twin mattress set, that I had moved her to a few days ago, part way down the stairs, then pushed the crib where the mattress used to be.  It’s far away from the light switch now so she can’t reach over to turn the lights on and off all night when she doesn’t want to sleep!  I don’t think that she really even cared though (about the lights), she seemed so happy to be back in her crib again, maybe she and I will actually be able to sleep all the way through the night for once in over a week and a half!!! 

(I think I’ve only had about 12 hours of sleep in the last 96 hrs.)

…I can’t sleep!  I’m not tired in the least, too many thoughts rattling through my head and I want to get them down before I forget.  Hopefully this purge will help me get back to sleep (3:04 am).

         Now I’m not sure what to write about…  I really had a ton of thoughts running through my head as I was sitting down to write, but now they’ve all disappeared.

         I’m turning off the lights.  It’s 3:53 am.

         …3 1/2 hours, that’s a new record low!  I finally dozed some time after 4, though it wasn’t peaceful and I tossed and turned until just after 5 am (so I guess I’m not sure if it was even 3 1/2 hours???).  I was tired of fighting something that obviously wasn’t going to happen, so I decided to just get up; refreshed myself with a shower and now I’m dressed.

         My only plan for the day is to go to the ARC and check out a couple things I saw there when I went a couple days ago with the younger two.  Not sure if I’ll get anything, but this is one of the things that I look forward to doing every weekend, so even though I had previously decided that I wasn’t going to go, I changed my mind!

         2 hrs till the store opens.  I’m not sure what I want to do…  Sounds like one of the boys is up; it’s way too early, but I guess that’s what I get for putting them all to bed at 8 pm instead of letting them stay up late like I usually do on Friday nights; though I usually only take Anna to the ARC and Jacob’s stays at home with the younger 3, so it’s a bit different today.

                                            Some thoughts...                                                

         …I did remember at least one thing that I wanted to write down, though this won’t be posted for awhile because I don’t want it to happen just because I say it’s what I wish would happen.  That’s a huge pet peeve of mine; having to tell someone that I would like something to be done or something that I’d like to have (a certain gift), instead of them figuring it on their own; actions don’t mean as much and gifts aren’t quite as special when you have to tell or ask someone to do something or to get you specifically what you want!!!

         So back on subject…What I was really hoping would happen was that Jacob would just hop on a plane and fly back into my arms to spend the weekend with me!  Just his presence would be enough to recharge my spirits and I could get out all my emotional heartache so that my “pent-up emotional tank” would have a chance to empty instead of riding on full to overflowing every day.

         I imagined him arriving late last night or maybe first thing this morning, and as I took a shower this morning I heard more noise out in the house than usual (for this early) so I thought my wish might be coming true, but unfortunately it was just some of the kids taking their morning constitutional. 

         I really need a recharge; unfortunately my fuel is hundreds of miles away and will be inaccessible for another 2 weeks!  We’ll see if I can make it that long because my tank is running more than empty!!!  :O(

         On a different note…  I’ve decided that I am no longer going to attend MOPS.  I have attended two semesters, and until last week I didn’t feel like anyone cared.  I had thought about joining MOPS for years.  I’d drive by a sign advertising it at a Church here or there around town and think, I should join that, meet some Moms, maybe make some friends and give myself a little break from the kids.  So when I joined last fall I was really disappointed with what MOPS ended up to be, people wise, not activity wise.  I did really enjoy the speakers and crafts.  My favorite two things though out of these two semesters would have to be the Toy/Book/Movie Exchange in January and the MOPS Garage Sale last month (April)!  I live for those kinds of activities; they really bring me joy!!! 

Anyway, as far as attending goes, I would go each week, we’d all say our polite hellos, eat some food, listen to the speaker and go our separate ways.  Occasionally there would be some polite conversation, but nobody would really strike up a conversation to REALLY get to know you or open up for you to get to know them! 

I was really bummed when I even volunteered to run and organize an event, but they said their calendar was too full.  That really made me upset because it would have only taken 15 to 20 minutes of the schedule; the rest would have been done before and after, so it wouldn’t have interfered with their already scheduled events. 

Last week was the Mentor Mom (MM’s) Panel, where us moms were allowed to submit questions for the MM’s on anything under the sun that we had a question about.  I submitted 4 questions… and all of them were answered, but the last one really had everyone going.  I asked:  “What do you do when your husband is leaving for 2+ months and you’re stuck at home with 4 kids and you really rely on him for support and a break everyday, but don’t have any family or friends to rely on?” 

The first response was “G.I.R.L.F.R.I.E.N.D.S!”  …I was told to really put out the S.O.S flag when I needed help and cling to my girlfriends for support.

         The next MM, asked that the question be repeated and realized that the question said that there were ‘no friends’ for support!  Then she proceeded to really push the S.O.S thing and that that person (being me) needs to reach out for help to the Moms of MOPS, which is what MOPS was created for!  There were similar responses from the other MM’s, but during this, one Mom, from one of the other tables, raised her hand and she was like, “I’m really sad that someone would write that and that they would feel like that they had to ask something like that!  MOPS is supposed to be a place where Moms can go for friendship and support and to know that they are not alone.  This person really needs to reach out to the MOPS network because that is what it was designed for!” (Jenny paraphrase, but that’s what I heard.)  However, I couldn’t have been more surprised!  None of these Moms had every reached out to me, I only talked to the Moms at my table and even then I felt like there was no real connection, like I’m in a world of my own.  Any time I talk about my life or family I’m always given these looks of shock (subtle shock mind you) or feigned concern, but their actual expressions seem to be saying, “Oh too bad for you, but I don’t want to have anything to do with that!”  OR “That’s nice, but I wasn’t actually listening to what you had to say!”  So I try not to talk too much.  But sometimes I’m just dying to talk, then I realize after I’ve said what’s on my mind, that that’s exactly why I try and keep my mouth shut!

         Anyway, back to the question…  During the answering I started to get a bit teary eyed.  One of the ladies at my table turned to look at me, it wasn’t long before I couldn’t contain the tears, and when another lady at my table came over and gave me a box of tissues, that’s when the tears really started to flow, but I was able to remain silent.  When our MOPS director finished praying all the ladies at my table turned to me and started to ask me questions and offer their support.  “Just let me know what you need!” most all of them offered (some didn’t say a word though, just gave me those looks and still haven’t offered anything or e-mailed or called).  I broke soundly tears then and one of the ladies hugged me as I sobbed into my hands.  I left feeling embarrassed, but that people actually cared for once.

         When I got home I had an e-mail from one of the Moms from my table.  She stated that she realized I may have been overwhelmed by all of the offers of help, and she wanted to offer something specific and she wasn’t going to take “no” for an answer (unless I had a REALLY, REALLY good excuse).  She said that she would come over every Thursday while Jacob is gone and babysit the kids for me from 3:30 till 6:30 and I could do whatever I wanted to do.  I could stay in and chat with her, do crafts, or even leave; basically during that time she is giving me free reign to do whatever I need in order to get a break.  I was and am very impressed by her boldness!  I’m not the kind of person to ask for help, almost no matter what, I’d rather do things on my own; so her offering me something specific like that (with the option of an alternative day/time) was awesome!  It made me feel like she cares because her assistance is just being offered to me and I didn’t have to ask for her help, and because I didn’t have to ask for help, it didn’t make me feel embarrassed!  Actually it was more like I was being given a gift instead of feeling like I was being a burden!

         Well, I have been contacted via, e-mails and phone calls by 3 other ladies from my MOPS table and the MOPS director.  They’ve all offered their assistance, but I don’t really have anything that I need or want them to do other than to give me a break from my kids and asking for that seems too selfish so I haven’t contacted anyone back.  Though I do have Michelle (our table leader) scheduled to babysit the younger two next Thursday (May 5^th) while I go to a Dental Appointment.

         Anyway, I guess my point is, that even though these people keep saying they care or want to help me, I still don’t really feel like they care because I’m going to have to specifically ask them for help (by taking my kids off my hands for awhile) and that’s just too embarrassing!  I realize that saying they don’t care isn’t true, but feelings can be really strong deterrents and I’m going to give into my feelings right now…

         …Another reason I’m no longer going to attend MOPS is that there is only one MOPS session left for this semester. It’s supposed to be catered and I was really looking forward to the food from different vendors like the one I missed last semester, and everyone raved about, but I missed because my kids were sick and I couldn’t go!  However when I inquired about who was providing the meal I found out that the guy that regularly cooks the meals for the Church’s Wednesday Night Bible Studies is doing the catering.  AND unfortunately every time we ate anything that he made, on those nights before our Bible Study, I got the worst heartburn imaginable!  It was really terrible!!!  So, since I was already debating not going because I thought there were two MOPS meetings left in May and I thought the 2^nd one in May was the catered one and this one was just going to be a regular meeting (which doesn’t matter anyway since I don’t want to eat the food) and I don’t want to have to face everyone’s questions and feigned concerned expressions I’m going to skip it anyway.  I just can’t deal with any of it, especially when my emotions could deteriorate at any moment and it might be an uncontrollable outpour that I don’t want to have to be embarrassed about!!!

Today's events… It's getting better...

         …So today, I decided to take the kids to the movies.  I really wanted to go see “Rango” again, and figured, even if I had to miss some of the movie because Maggie was freaking out, it wouldn’t be that big a deal because I’d already seen it.  The kids really enjoyed it!  I’m totally going to buy it when it comes out, whenever that is???

         For some reason I can’t remember anything else that happened yesterday other than that I listed a few items on Craigslist before I went to bed and had an offer for the bedding set I listed, only a matter of minutes, after it was posted.

         I was in bed by 9:30 and think I got about 9 hours sleep last night!  Putting Maggie was one of the best things that happened to me all week; it allowed me to start recharging my batteries with some much-needed sleep!!!  :O)

         If I remember anything else later I’ll write it then, but for now I’ll move on to Sunday…

         P.S…Maggie has discovered the ‘shut off’ button on my computer (actually she’s known for awhile now), but whenever she gets around my temporarily unattended computer, after pushing a bunch of other buttons, she inevitably goes for that one!  ARG