Gonna Change

I've been thinking a lot lately about who I am right now and what I've become in the last couple years and frankly I'm not happy with myself! I guess my biggest peeve with myself is that I'm so out of shape and over weight that I can hardly stand myself anymore! Most of the time I can go through a day and not feel too horrible unless I head up the stairs and get winded or look in the mirror and see just how big I actually am. It's very depressing!!!

Sunday I started a get healthy/exercise plan with a goal to loose 50 pounds in the next 7 mo. I'm trying to eat healthy by following the food pyramid guide lines to try and eat the right amount of each food group each day, keeping my fat intake to about 30 grams, and trying to keep my calorie intake to about 1500. I got these figures after many different calculation programs online. Anyway, I figure in order to reach my goal weight, 150, I need to be eating calories to maintain 150 pounds, which according to most of what I read and calculated out is my goal weight, times 10. That doesn't take into account working out, but I'd rather loose the weight faster and don't plan to increase my calorie intake even when I reach my goal weight. Well, I started this thing Sunday and I even started recording my meals. The days progressed nicely until dinner rolled around and I was so hungry that I over ate and completely blew my nice, rest of the day diet, out of the water! I am really upset with myself (all three days I've been doing this so far)!!! I had a short, but in depth talk with Jacob this evening before bed and he suggested that I set myself some sort of goal and since one of the things I would like to have happen here in the next few months is get pregnant, he suggested that I not allow myself to get pregnant until I reach some goal weight. I am not going to do that, but I am going to set a goal. I want to loose 20 pounds by mid August. That will put me at 180 and if I do get pregnant, and if I stick to the less eating, I'll have been sticking to the two-ish months before I should not go too far over 200 by the end of the pregnancy, and if I don't get pregnant then that will give me even more time to lose even more weight! I'm not exactly sure I can do this. Food is a big comfort to me and snacking is something I do a lot of...especially on my finger nails (I know...ewww yuck, sorry it's a habit I've had since I was really little and it's a really tough one to break). I also have a very nagging sweet tooth that gets the better of me, but hopefully if I keep those things out of reach, sight, and out of the house I won't be tempted by them too much! Long story even longer, I'm going to try and stick to this the next two months at least to shed these 20 pounds!

Now I need to figure out how to stick to a work out regime!!! I was working out back before Thanksgiving, but unfortunately that was 7 months ago. We did go to the pool the other day and I swam about 11 laps, but that was several days ago and I really need to work out at least 3, really 5 days a week hard core working out to really start seeing any results, quickly! It's rather hard sticking to a work out program. I know I've tried in the past. It just gets frustrating doing all that work and not really having anything to show for it in my weight! I am going to continue to take measurements each Sunday and hopefully if I stick to this eating/working out program I'll see some results in the next few weeks!

So please wish me luck and even better, please, please, please pray for me! My will power is so weak when it comes to food and exercising can become so boring after awhile, especially since I'll be doing it all on my own. I'll need all the support I can get to stick to this! I really want to loose weight and get healthier, not to mention look better!!! My original goal was to loose the weight (50 lb) by my birthday next year (about 7 mo. away) and treat myself to a new clothing shopping spree! Yay skinny clothes!!! :OP We'll see if I can do it...the only things standing in my way are myself and if I were to get pregnant in the next couple months and I'd much rather the pregnancy happen, than let myself get the better of myself!