Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Life Sucks, and then...You Die

Okay, I realize that this title is a bit dramatic, but I'm working on 4ish hours of sleep and I'm so tired I don't really care right now...I probably got your attention though, right?  

I might change the title later...

I can't believe that it is February already!  Where did the month of January go???  

Last month was my Birthday, I'm 32 now (I had to calculate it out since I don't really think about it all that often).  Should have been really exciting though I didn't really get to hardly do anything that I wanted and my Birthday dinner turned out to an interesting though disappointing flop, expensive too!  I did get to go and watch "The Green Hornet", which was pretty good.  Saturday I got to go to the Colorado Mills Mall and got some crystal sphere's and prism crystals and a few other odds and ends, but other than that, that was pretty much it.  Rather boring if you ask me...

Jacob found out that he gets to go to do the Schooling in St. Louis that he's been talking about for years!  He'll leave Easter weekend, drive over, and start school on the 25th of April.  He'll be able to come back home every other weekend or so depending on his school work load, so far we've only planned on him coming back Memorial weekend, since he'd get 3 days because of the Holiday.  However he's going to miss Anna and John's birthdays and our 12th Anniversary!  SMH  I'm really glad he's finally able to go to his classes, but sad also because he'll be missing 3 important dates of our year!  We had already planned to celebrate our Anniversary late anyway, so I guess it's not that big of a deal, but even though I say that I know it really is!  I wish the dates had been later in the summer, that way we all could have gone with him the whole time instead of me being stuck at home without him for 2ish months by myself with all 4 kids!  We are planning on joining him in St. Louis after the kids get out of school.  Our original plan was to drive down our Anniversary weekend together (taking the kids out of school 1 1/2 days early), but apparently that wasn't both our ideas.  I found out that Jacob plans to drive to St. Louis and fly back every other weekend leaving his car there and if he plans to come Memorial weekend, then he can't come back the following weekend (our Anniversary weekend), since he came the weekend before...SO...  I guess we haven't got it all figured out yet...  Jacob had it in his mind that I would drive down with the kids, by myself and meet him in St. Louis.  I'm not sure that I'm up for a 14+ hr drive across several states w/ 4 kids all by myself though???  We'll see, we might have to wait for another week or two till Jacob can come back, but by then his schooling will almost be done, so I might have to make the sacrifice to be able to be with him!!!

Don't really have many plans for February.  Started back on the Weight Watchers program Sunday (January 30th) since I'm sick of being fat, though feeling hungry all the time is almost, if not as bad, as feeling fat all the time!!!  :O(  ...It's been rough!  I only get 24 pts, which isn't all that much food and I have been pretty hungry this whole week, but I guess that's what happens when you go back to almost all your old ways and aren't used to smaller portions of food anymore.  My body is sort of still in tune to smaller portions, but my eyes aren't and that's what gets me every time!  I quit drinking soda a couple weeks ago, actually back at the beginning of January, and the weight started flying off;  but then I drank a couple cans over my Birthday weekend and promptly gained it all back in 2 wks; SO FRUSTRATING!!!  I got so frustrated, that's why I decided to start back on the Weight Watchers program since I did have success with it when I did stick to it last year, but quite frankly I'm pretty miserable on it right now and this is only day 4...  I am going to stick with it thought, just so that my body can get used to the smaller portion sizes again!  I was also thinking of starting to watch for products w/ high fructose corn syrup and artificial sweeteners and stay clear; I'll probably have to start shopping the more Farmer's Market type stores in order to get more organic foods (of all kinds).  I don't usually use honey or maple syrup as sweeteners (a recommendation from a friend who's been giving me her diet advice), but I can pick up different flavors of honey at those stores too and local Farmers Markets will carry fresh honey supplies during the summer.  I'm not sure where to get the REAL maple syrup, though I have a friend who practically drinks the stuff, so I could probably ask her.

I joined Weight Watchers Jan 25th last year and I lost about 40lbs, 20lbs strictly on the program, then another 20 sort of, but not really using the program anymore.  I'm back down to below pre-preg weight w/ Maggie, but I still have another 45 to go to get to my goal weight and the last 4 or 5 months or more I've been fluctuating 5 to 6 pounds back and forth depending on my diet and sometimes my exercise.  (I can seem to lose or gain weight regardless of whether I exercise.)  Every weekend I pretty much have a break down when I weigh in and Sundays usually suck because I want to look pretty for Church, but can't stand the way I look, so I inevitably end up dressing in a t-shirt and jeans just to be comfortable.  I've especially been depressed the last couple weeks since I've gained back all the weight I lost at the beginning of January when I first cut soda!!!  I hate, hate, hate being fat and I really want to get back down to almost where I was before I had kids (it's been almost 12 years since I was a size 8, right now I'm at a 14).  I really struggle with food though!!!

I'm going to work on it though.  My original goal was to lose 30lbs by April, but I had to push it back a month to May since I lost then gained it all back in January.  I was really optomistic about reaching this goal at the beginning of the month (lost over 6lbs in 2 weeks), but since gaining all the weight back I've become a bit grim again...  I hope to reach it, I'm going to work to reach it, but...  I guess I dont' know what else to say...  Here's hoping and praying I can lose 30lbs in the next 3 months!!!


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